Pisces Are The Best In Bed

Thoughts and prayers to the Capricorn lying next to you as you read this.

No offense to anyone else, it’s just a fact: Pisces deliver more heat between the sheets than any Scorpio and Leo combined, multiplied by every Gemini you’ve ever met.

And I have proof (besides, like, every Pisces you’ve slept with). Pisces is a water sign—they are easygoing and nonjudgmental and will almost never call the police when you want to try something a little freaky in bed (consensually freaky stuff only, pls).

Whether you’re in an LTR with a Pisces or you’ve hooked one (did you really think I wouldn’t do a fish pun?) in your DMs, they’re gonna listen to your fantasies and *get* why you want what you want. Count on them to act understanding. Emphasis on the word “act.”

The head-in-the- clouds dreaminess that annoys you IRL makes Pisces extra creative at sex and able to commit fully, Anne-Hathaway-in- Les-Mis style, to role-play, dirty talk, dressing up like Beanie Babies, old- fashioned network-TV- style lovemaking… where was I?

Oh, yeah: Pisces is ruled by Neptune, the planet of imagination, so if you don’t feel like supplying the fantasies, they’ve gotcha. They have ~ideas~.

But wait! That’s not all. If you order now, you’ll also get a free supply of high emotional intelligence. So if you say, need endless attention (hi again, Leo) or lots of postcoital cuddling (ILY, Cancer), a Pisces is exactly who you want spooning you.

Go fish already!

HOW TO COMFORT YOUR LOCAL PISCES

Yes, they’re good in bed— but they’re also crybbs.

1. GIVE THEM SPACE

When a Pisces is upset, they can be inconsolable. But this is *not* the time to blow up their phone asking what’s wrong. Leave them alone so they can process their feels.

2. LET THEM VENT

You’ll know when they’re ready to talk—because it’ll all come out at once and not necessarily make a whole lotta sense. If they trust you enough to unload on you, let them— without giving unsolicited advice.

3. TRY TO CHEER THEM UP

That all over? Now it’s time for some words of affirmation (a little goes a long way for this super-sensitive sign). Or offer to Netflix and veg with them while they recharge. Keep it chill and they’ll soon be as good as new.

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